Friendship

Let's face it.  Friendships are hard.  Adult friendships are super hard.  But I have to share how my kids have recently inspired me in this area.

The other day, classes got back their spring portrait prints in school.  One of my 3rd grader's classmates, a boy whom he adores, had a different kind of expression on his face in his picture.  The other kids in the class started pointing and laughing at him, drawing attention to his photo.  This child started crying, and not a single classmate let up or apologized.  But my son, my sweet 8 year old, stood next to his friend, hugged him, told him he didn't look bad, not to listen to those others.  In the face of literally everybody else doing the opposite thing, my son stood beside his friend and let him know that he was there for him.  That he wasn't like the others.  I'm actually crying now as I write this.  As his parent, I want to take credit.  But that's all him.  This sweet boy of mine, he's a light in our lives.

Next, my 5th grade daughter has a friend who lives down the street from us.  Her friend hasn't had things easy in life.  Sometimes the friend acts out, does and says things that are less than friendly.  The other day her friend had a foam sword covered in red paint, ran after my daughter with it, and said she was going to kill her.  As an adult, I'm looking at the foam sword thinking "ok this is mostly harmless".  But it actually scared my daughter.  She did not find it funny.  She took the time to let her friend know that is not ok.  You don't threaten your friends.  The friend has lied on occasion too, and even in this incident claimed that it wasn't her, that she was actually asleep.  This sounds like a bit of a psychological issue that needs deeper attention to me, but that aside, my daughter is working through what it means to be friends with this girl.  She is learning be clear about what is ok and what is not, and to hold her friends accountable.  And that is a huge skill that I sure wish I had the guidance to develop when I was 10 years old.

As an adult, I can safely say that I have less than a handful of really good friends.  I had a great friend group in college but a lot of us have gone our separate ways, so the connection does not feel as strong.  One or two of those friends remain on my "good friend" list.  There was one person that I met during college that was more of a mentor then, who only recently has started to become more like a close friend to me.  And there have been a number of layers of complication to the process, but we both desire this growth and we've been willingly putting in the work.  It's rewarding but it's not easy.  I do miss when friendship was easy.  

I pray every day that I'm the kind of person that people want to be friends with.  This morning I saw a post on Facebook that said something like "I no longer pour into cups that don't pour into mine".  And it made me a little sad, because I would think that a friend would want to give to other people, regardless of what they would get in return.  But maybe it's more about what my daughter learned above, about setting boundaries and sticking to them.  

So I continue to pray and I continue to ask for all good things in my life.  I thank God every day for my children.  I am a better human because of them.  Until next time, dear readers.