Know Joy, Know Peace

Good evening, friends!  It has been a minute since I've written!  So in the last two-ish years, we sold our house in west Dayton (in October 2022), moved in with friends, and prayed to find a house by spring.  Spring came and went, and we still didn't have a house.  Most of our stuff stayed in two U-Haul storage garages, a friend's barn, and another friend's attic (also with us in the friend's house we were staying at), for about 11 months!  But finally in October 2023, God answered our prayers, after being turned down for 4 different houses, and we are settled into a place that is ours, our forever home, our "we worked our whole lives to be here" house.

I can't even tell you the amount of peace we have had since moving here.  First of all, when people say location location location in a house listing, they aren't kidding!  This house is in the perfect spot for us.  Just on the edge of Riverside in Montgomery County, and very close to Beavercreek and the Air Force Base and all of the amenities a person could need.  The bike path connects out of the neighborhood, which is something we have always wanted, and there is a private pool club as well, which we joined on a trial membership, and the kids ride their bikes there and have been swimming almost every day since it opened for the summer.  The house itself is a little smaller than we envisioned at first, but as God brought together the details, we realized that we have everything we need and then some.  3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1700 square feet, and all on one level (with a basement).  We are faced with the reality that nobody gets younger, and having everything on one level will actually be a benefit to us in the long run.  Also our oldest son is going to be a sophomore in the fall, which means that the days and years until he graduates will fly by like lightning.  And once that starts happening, the rest of the children will follow just as fast.  It's crazy to think that we will be empty nesters in only 10 years.  And that sounds like a long time, but trust me, it's not.  And I'm already envisioning how the functions of this house will change as those years approach (Turn a bedroom into a guest room?  Have an office?  A music room?). 

We also made the very difficult decision to switch schools in the fall.  The nearest Catholic school to our house is just about a mile, and primarily because of location, we decided to switch.  The kids are meeting a number of their future classmates at the pool this summer, and a lot of them live in the neighborhood as well.  The kids also joined the track team last spring and the team has kids from several schools, so again, more friends were made.  I fully believe that God places the people in our lives that we are meant to be with.  And the ones that we will miss the most, we take comfort in knowing that we aren't leaving completely.  We're still in the same town.  We can bike to a lot of their houses now more easily than before, or we've run into them at the pool.  

In a lot of ways, I feel like a huge weight is lifted off of my shoulders. Things were probably rougher than I realized, because when you are in the midst of a situation, it is difficult to see it with clarity.  Those who know us closely know the nitty gritty details about what finally made us take a leap of faith to move out of the neighborhood.  We are forever grateful to our friends who offered to house us for an unknown amount of time, and so so very grateful to the previous owners of our current house, for taking a chance on a young family and saying "yes" to our offer.  

I can say without a doubt that I feel a certain joy that I haven't felt in a long time.  And because of that, I feel at peace.  Life is good.  And we are so very blessed.  <3

A Good Person

So it has been a couple of months since I've posted an update.  I've had a number of things this summer that I've wanted to write about, and will probably play catchup in the next couple of months.  But today I find myself pondering what it means to be "a good person".

In the Bible, when God says "just love one another!", it seems to be a pretty straight forward command.  But we live in a society that seems very confused about what "love" means.  As a parent, the best way for me to love my children is to show them (without question) what is right and wrong.  And to hold them accountable for their actions.  And to expect good behavior, and respect.  If we love each other the way a parent loves a child, would we all be better people?  I run into a lot of parents who "just want Johnny to be happy".  And while happiness is certainly a goal, I think we have to go a little deeper.  I want my kids to be full of joy.  To know a lasting happiness that comes from God alone.  When we fill our lives with surface level happiness, we end up feeling empty.  And when we are empty, we have nothing left to pour into anybody else.  

I do pray for God to help me be a better person each day.  And I think being a good person comes down to how we love.  If my friends make a choice that I don't agree with, do I shame them, or do I politely offer a different perspective, try to get them to think differently, etc.  Do I ask questions, seeking to understand?  And just because I don't agree, does that make me right and them wrong?  What is our litmus test for what is right and what is wrong?  Just because it's popular or makes us feel good, is it really right?  

I think good people are willing to go deeper than the surface.  What we see in any given moment is only part of the story.  Why does that guy over there always talk so loud? (he's hard of hearing)  Why does that person never allow people to see their true selves (they've been hurt too many times).  Being willing to go deeper, in all things, helps us to be the best person we can be.  To love like God loves.  

And that's my two cents for today.  Have a great week everybody!

Happy Easter!

OK, so I'm a little late on posting this.  That's because the week after Easter I took some time to go home and visit family, which was a welcomed break.  It has always been difficult for me to sit and do nothing, to not have plans at all.  But I did just that, for 5 days as my kids and I hung out in NP with a couple of their cousins.  The first couple of days were cold and wet so there was a lot of hotel swimming, but by the end of the week we enjoyed playing outside at the park.  I feel like we experienced all seasons in 5 days, as we drove north in 29 degrees and snow, and then we had some spring rains, and finally on Friday we returned when it was sunny and in the mid 70s.  I started thinking maybe it was a bit like the Triduum, right?  I mean, it did get progressively better during that week.  And we do have the hope of a warm and sunny summer ahead.  The rains are needed to nourish the ground, to prepare it for growth, so that beauty and abundance can spring forth.  

As Catholics, the Easter season lasts 50 days, compared to the 40 days of Lent.  So we have a good bit to dig into the resurrection and the effect that had on Jesus's disciples and the effect it has on us as his people.  I was talking to a friend recently, a fellow Catholic, and they were like "after Easter you can breathe for a bit right?" and I was like "well then there's the Easter season.." and they said "But that's nothin' compared to Triduum and Easter right?".  Well, I'm not so sure.  In my church I keep the choir active until the Feast of Corpus Christi (or Body and Blood of Christ), so all the way until the first weekend in June.  It gets a little hot in the choir loft after that (no AC in our 158 year old church) so I allow them the opportunity to break for summer.  But the days leading up to that, Pentecost, Ascension, Trinity Sunday--it's like a post-Easter marathon in a way.  There are sequences that are sung on two of those days, and our church, being called Holy Trinity, always has a celebration after the Trinity Sunday Mass.  We also have first communion and confirmation, so, lots of stuff.  

I feel the need to pace myself a bit though, as my body is already screaming at me.  I'm having what I am now calling my "post Easter pain in the neck".  Playing the organ and tilting my head upwards to see the music has taken it's toll on my spine, and this morning I'm going in for a Chiropractic adjustment to alleviate some severe neck, shoulder, and sciatica pain.  I hope it helps but I think my next step may be to get into some therapy, where I do regular exercises and stretches to keep this from happening too often.  I will need to see my primary doc at the base to see what they can recommend.  I am only 35 with a lot of life ahead of me (Lord willing) but I knew from a young age that my back was a bit wonky.  I just never had the resources to try and do anything about it.  Maybe attacking it now while I'm still young will make for a better and less pain-filled future.

So that's the latest from this mommy.  I don't anticipate much "resting" this summer, as we have the kids going to all kinds of camps and activities, and before we know it, it will be August and school will return.  Life keeps moving forward one day at a time.  Until next time, friends.

Get out of the Boat

Alas, it is Friday, hooray!  This week has been an interesting one.  On Sunday and Monday night, I had the chance to attend a retreat at another local parish, featuring Catholic composer and musician, Steve Angrisano.  It was just a couple of hours each night, but the time was filled with laughter, song, reflection, and call to action.  One thing that sticks with me is a book he shared, called "If you want to walk on water, you gotta get out of the boat".  He read an excerpt, and I will be looking the book up on Amazon.  The basic premise, of course, is that it is up to us to take that "leap of faith" to give God the opportunity to show us all that He can do in our lives.  If we sit comfortably, we'll be comfortable, but nothing will change.  To achieve greatness, we must be willing to leap.  

A similar message was shared on Thursday evening, at a partnership dinner for a local women's center.  The Elizabeth New Life Center is a charity that helps women who find themselves in unwanted pregnancies to be able to make a better more heart friendly choice than abortion.  There was a woman there who had 5 boys, and when she got pregnant with the 6th, she knew she would not be able to provide him a good life, so the ENLC helped her to put him up for open adoption.  She can still see him and he is thriving.  She was present at the banquet and everybody stood and applauded her courage and strength.  There was a keynote speaker, and he shared the analogy "If you want to do great things, you've got to get off your donkey".  He was using this analogy to compel us to give generously to the organization, but, is is essentially the same idea.  We have to make the first move.  We have to make room for God to show up for us.

It's interesting to me that this message has come at me twice this past week.  God knows that I can be a bit dense.  Like, it takes some serious screaming and pushing to get me to do the right thing sometimes.  A lot of people question, "What does God want from me?".  And so do I, but often times, the moment I open my heart to the answer, I realize it's been there in big bold print the entire time.  My comfort zone (the boat, if you will), is to remain in the background.  I would like to just live my life unnoticed.  That way, if I happen to mess up (and I will), it will impact just a few people instead of a bunch.  But what seems abundantly clear to me now more than ever is that I was not made to hide in the background.  

Guys, this is where I need your prayers.  Because I really don't know if I have what it takes.  Will I always make the best decisions?  Will I treat people with 100% respect and dignity at all times?  Will I make a positive impact?  Pray with me that we can find the courage to get out of the boat this season.  That we can successfully tell our fear to "take a hike" and that God can work his power and beauty within us. Until next time, dear readers.

Friendship

Let's face it.  Friendships are hard.  Adult friendships are super hard.  But I have to share how my kids have recently inspired me in this area.

The other day, classes got back their spring portrait prints in school.  One of my 3rd grader's classmates, a boy whom he adores, had a different kind of expression on his face in his picture.  The other kids in the class started pointing and laughing at him, drawing attention to his photo.  This child started crying, and not a single classmate let up or apologized.  But my son, my sweet 8 year old, stood next to his friend, hugged him, told him he didn't look bad, not to listen to those others.  In the face of literally everybody else doing the opposite thing, my son stood beside his friend and let him know that he was there for him.  That he wasn't like the others.  I'm actually crying now as I write this.  As his parent, I want to take credit.  But that's all him.  This sweet boy of mine, he's a light in our lives.

Next, my 5th grade daughter has a friend who lives down the street from us.  Her friend hasn't had things easy in life.  Sometimes the friend acts out, does and says things that are less than friendly.  The other day her friend had a foam sword covered in red paint, ran after my daughter with it, and said she was going to kill her.  As an adult, I'm looking at the foam sword thinking "ok this is mostly harmless".  But it actually scared my daughter.  She did not find it funny.  She took the time to let her friend know that is not ok.  You don't threaten your friends.  The friend has lied on occasion too, and even in this incident claimed that it wasn't her, that she was actually asleep.  This sounds like a bit of a psychological issue that needs deeper attention to me, but that aside, my daughter is working through what it means to be friends with this girl.  She is learning be clear about what is ok and what is not, and to hold her friends accountable.  And that is a huge skill that I sure wish I had the guidance to develop when I was 10 years old.

As an adult, I can safely say that I have less than a handful of really good friends.  I had a great friend group in college but a lot of us have gone our separate ways, so the connection does not feel as strong.  One or two of those friends remain on my "good friend" list.  There was one person that I met during college that was more of a mentor then, who only recently has started to become more like a close friend to me.  And there have been a number of layers of complication to the process, but we both desire this growth and we've been willingly putting in the work.  It's rewarding but it's not easy.  I do miss when friendship was easy.  

I pray every day that I'm the kind of person that people want to be friends with.  This morning I saw a post on Facebook that said something like "I no longer pour into cups that don't pour into mine".  And it made me a little sad, because I would think that a friend would want to give to other people, regardless of what they would get in return.  But maybe it's more about what my daughter learned above, about setting boundaries and sticking to them.  

So I continue to pray and I continue to ask for all good things in my life.  I thank God every day for my children.  I am a better human because of them.  Until next time, dear readers.

Halfway There!

So yesterday was Laetare Sunday.  We had a small debate in the choir on how to pronounce this word, but it looks like the official correct answer is "Lay-tar-ay".  It means rejoice, which is kind of odd in the middle of a solemn season, but also kind of not.  It gives us a little push to make it over the halfway mark and into Easter.  We rejoice in knowing that 40 days in the desert will end in resurrection.  

This week is where things really kick into high gear for me, though.  There's a lot of music to go over and learn in a short amount of time.  And there's some scheduling issues that need to be worked out to make it all happen. 

I'm kind of stressed but I know things will all work out in the end.  They always do.  But it's time to buckle down.  Until next time.

The Dark

I've been dragging my feet on posting again because I keep thinking, there's no way I can even come close to or match what I've already said to the world.  Sometimes our "messes" catch up to us, we feel like we can't put our best self out there, so we hide.  There's a prominent Christian artist--Mandisa--who has a podcast, a book, and a CD all titled "Out of the Dark".  I love Mandisa because she is real, she is raw, and she doesn't hide.  She got her start on American Idol, when Simon told her that she was too fat and she'd never make it in pop music.  She has been embraced and thrived in the world of Christian music and it's inspirational to me how she took those words and used them to send her message to the world--"Oh yeah?!? WATCH me!".  She has allowed herself to trust that God will use her journey through depression and anxiety to move mountains.  And through that openness and trust, so many lives have been impacted and changed.

I'm here to tell you, sometimes I live in the dark.  I get restless, I feel like I'm going to burst out of my own skin.  I interpret the actions of others in a way that isn't fair to them--things like "why didn't they answer my email, don't they care about me?".  I start looking for validation from others instead of from within.  I fail to hear the voice of God screaming at me "Hey, child of mine!  I love you!  Yes, you!  I love YOU!".  In a world where social justice is at the forefront of everyone's minds, I feel like I can't even achieve personal happiness some days so there's no way I can impact the world.  And I feel inadequate.  I feel like I've failed.

Then I remember that I have children.  And that my children see what I do and how I behave and that I am the one who will help them know that they can make a difference.  A lot of times, it's too much, if I'm honest.  Some days I say to God "you picked the wrong gal for the job".  And He looks at me with a smile and says "My child, you are beautiful.  Go, do, and be what you are made to be."

How do we get out of the dark?  Do we rely on others?  Do we pray?  Do we trust and hope that God works in and through the world around us and the He will show up for us, every day, if we allow Him the opportunity?  This Sunday's Gospel will be about Jesus healing a blind man.  But in our faith journey it isn't just about physical blindness.  There's a metaphor there.  We were blind, but then we saw.  It's like the Allegory of the Cave, right?  Once we step outside, into the light, we cannot go back.  We don't "see" the world in the same way.  Our God moves and works within us to bring us out of the darkness and to be fully Whole and Healed in his Light.  

Pray with me that all who find themselves in the dark might soon have eyes to see the light.  And that they may know that they too can make a difference.  Until next time, dear readers.